Throw up

It feels like throwing up
No no, it's worse:
it's the moment right before throwing up.
I've got a spinning-round head
Oh, yeah, it's quite late
and I'm not sure why I'm writing this
but my head is a mess
(why didn't I write this in portuguese?
then I wouldn't have to say 'right now')
My head is a mess (right now)
'cause it is (permanently) so damn organized.
I see it now (well, it's so clear):
lying sounds ok when it could be true
acting sounds ok if you have the right
pretending sounds ok when you could be feeling
Then if you don't, there's nothing you can do except
throw up it all.
When you hate the one thing you can't get rid of.
or 'cause you've seen to many homemade videos
and the handmovements have made you sick.
When it's late at night and you are lonely
again
and you write a fucking awful poem
which could be worse if not in some mask-language.
There's a smell you don't even like
It's so fucking sweet and fake.
Throw. up.
You just had a lot of food and chocolate cake.
Throw. up.
What are you doing with your life?
Sleep.
Just forever would be nice.
Give. up.